Happily Married After…What Now?!

The older I get the more I’m in awe (and disbelief) that Kristofer and I met and got married fresh out of university, just 22 and 24, and really with zero clue how much WORK marriage actually was 😬😂😂😂

When I think back to the marriage prep course our church had us do, I laugh now with understanding.

One day, all of these couples that had been married for MANY years sat down and talked with us and gave us advice and answered our questions about what we thought marriage would be like …

All of them kept saying honestly “marriage is a lot of work” … and “you have to be willing to put in the work” …

🤷🏻‍♀️😏sure …we thought …

To us “work” meant obscure concepts like scheduling date nights, having different parenting styles and making the budget balance …

We had no idea that the same person you could love so deeply that you wanted to spend eternity with, could also be the same person to drive you to the edge of sanity and reason … and that on occasion you’d have to repeat to yourself as you watched him sleep that no, it wasn’t ok to put a pillow over his face (TOTALLY JOKING) 😂😂😂

Or that you could have beautiful stolen moments like dancing in the kitchen to your favourite song years down the road, that could take you back to memories of when you dated 💕and then in the same night watch as he plays a video game on his phone oblivious while you run around trying to make dinner, help the kids with homework, answer the phone and let the dog out in between shooting murderous glances in his direction 😂

TRUST ME, I know these feelings have been mutual at points … #imnoangel😇😈

The truth is, though, those couples who spoke to us, knew what they were talking about.

Marriage is a 💩 LOAD of work.

You have to work to get along.
You have to learn to be a team.
You have taxes and bills and responsibilities and careers and a home to take care of while learning about each other and trying to coexist!

And then to make things EXTRA FUN 👍 you toss tiny humans, hormones, sleepless nights, and poopy diapers into the mix to see if your marriage can go through it’s own version of Survivor and come out victorious ☠️😹

We have most certainly had some MASSIVE ups and downs in this marriage. 💍

Peaks and valleys🏔 like any great romance… but I think the secret for us 12 Years later is that IN SPITE of every one of those setbacks, trials and obstacles, we STILL choose each other to fall in love with, over and over again, every single day 💕

A couple years ago I wrote an “open letter” to Kristofer on our 10th anniversary… here we are, a couple years later so I thought I’d do it again with a few tweaks 💜
.

Dear Kristofer :
In some ways our wedding 12 years ago seems like a million lifetimes ago, and in other ways I remember parts of it in perfect detail like it was yesterday…

At 22 and 24, we thought we were adults but we know now we were just oversized kids who thought we knew it all …

The night before our wedding my bridesmaids stayed over with me at my parents’ place … they were all asleep by 10:30 as I sat awake, staring at the ceiling, too nervous to sleep … letting my brain run wild with all the white noise that surrounds weddings … I have no idea when I finally drifted off to sleep, but it was long after everyone else….

The next morning started out rainy and foggy and I thought my worst nightmare of a rainy wedding day was going to come true…

But by the time the girls and I left the hair salon the sun was shining bright and the skies had cleared … and the weather was perfect …

I ate lunch with my mom and bridesmaids that day; my favourite 22 year old meal : chicken fingers and pub fries 🤦🏻‍♀️

Maybe it was the greasy food, maybe it was nerves, maybe reality sunk in… but once I put my dress on and it zipped up (squeezing like gowns always do), I needed all the pepto bismol and stomach meds😂🤢

We hopped in the limo for the short drive to the church and I got to watch the last of the guests filing into the church while my baby (not babies anymore) cousins, handed out programs for the ceremony …

As I walked up to the church I heard the most beautiful voice I’ve ever heard singing and I realized it was the first time I had actually heard your cousin Emily sing 🎶… it was heavenly …and a good distraction …

Because as I walked in the side door I was told I had to “hide” in the tiny little room at the back of the church as my bridesmaids walked up the aisle one by one … (having been a bridesmaid many times now, I know how awful that feels lol. Sorry ladies)

So all that was left was me and my dad.

Dressed up in what he called his “James Bond” suit … a dad and his little girl …

And I’m not gonna lie … he asked me if I wanted to run when he saw the nervousness on my face … “the limo’s right there” he said …

But I looked at him and said, “nah, come on, let’s do this…”

The walk down the aisle is a blur …
The ceremony’s a blur (minus a slip up of yours where you said “infidelity” 🤦🏻‍♀️– my friends still remind me of this lol) and a nice surprise of my cousin traveling from across Canada to surprise me by being there

We had the limo stop on our way to the reception at the farm I grew up on and I got my picture taken with “Silver” the old maple tree in the front of our farm that I lovingly named and played around, waited by for the bus and dreamed beside as a kid …

Then we saw everyone.
We divided and conquered — taking on opposite sides of the room of 220+ people to make sure we said hello and that everyone had lots of wine, beer and cocktails 🍷

You made a beautiful speech to me that I wish I could rewatch but our volunteer cinematographer forgot to press record 🤦🏻‍♀️😂

I had a meltdown in the bathroom with my best friend as the stress of a very emotional, exhausting and overwhelming day caught up to me. But she hugged me. Held my giant gown and veil for me like a rockstar and calmed me down.

I barely remember the drive back to the hotel later that night but I remember it being the first time we had silence in so many hours and the first time we could really talk and soak up the fact that we were now MARRIED 💍😱

Holy crap.

I’ll condense the part where we came home the next day to our new home to find our “friends” had lovingly trashed it by putting shredded paper EVERYWHERE… putting our living room furniture in our dining room, canned goods in random spots, etc … 🤣
Sheesh.

But that was our beginning…

The beginning of learning what it’s like to live together.
Learning each other’s habits (good AND annoying 😂)…
Learning how to fight fairly and get over the s$&@ that really doesn’t matter …

Over 12 years we’ve gone through a lot.

Amazing stuff like two babies, moving into our dream home, adding furry members to our family, taking vacations and making beautiful memories …

And the not so amazing stuff like switching jobs, losing family members & furry friends, going through our own emergency pregnancy loss, having a chronically ill kiddo and the regular stress of trying to live up to an ideal of two parents working (me now from home Hurray!), being the perfect couple and the perfect parents.

We’ve learned a lot.
We’ve struggled a lot.

And here we are.

It’s not easy. It’s not always happy. It’s certainly not always pretty.
But boy am I glad we’re both as stubborn as we are to get through some of the stuff we have ❤️❤️

Happy 12th anniversary to the best 🕺 dancer, and the guy who is perfect (for me)!

Even on the days we drive each other crazy, I wouldn’t want to be on this ride with anyone else.

Xox
Your wife

Hope you enjoyed a little piece of our story (the good and the ugly lol)! If you’re married and working through the rollercoaster ups and downs of every day, I tip my hat to you. It’s not easy…but really, is anything worth having in life easy?